i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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