He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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