What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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