I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
