Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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