Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
