You're completely useless in the revolution.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
