are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
