the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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