I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
