I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
