Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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