The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
