We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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