I'm lost and stupid without you.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
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