I wanna passion pit in your ass
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
