dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
