So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
