ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
