Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
