We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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