I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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