I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
