we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
