HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
