I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
