I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
