I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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