the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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