She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
