She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
