i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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