I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
