I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
