I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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