I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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