So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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