i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
