roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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