i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
