So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
