I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
ttyl tear gas
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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