since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
