my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
This gyro tastes like lonliness
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
That accounts for only three of the penises
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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