Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
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