I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
