it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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