champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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