Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
don't judge my taste in strippers
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
