Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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