i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
